How to stop seeking your parent’s approval

Sometimes even as adults we can find ourselves still searching for our parent’s approval.

You can almost see yourself as that young child looking up at their parents with arms raised up.

Maybe you are fortunate enough to have grown up with two amazing parents, but still don’t feel good enough.

Maybe you grew up with one parent, or grandparents, or relatives.

Maybe you are still searching for the missing pieces, wondering why to many unanswered questions.

Those are really difficult emotions and situations to come to terms this.

But I challenge you to look at things from a different lens and here is how.

How to stop seeking your parent’s approval.

Empathy

Whether you are a child of two parents, one parents, or no parents, I challenge you to think for a moment of that parent you are in most struggle with.

Maybe they didn’t encourage you.

Maybe they constantly criticize you.

Maybe they betrayed you.

Maybe they neglected you.

Maybe they were emotionally unavailable.

Maybe they accommodated the behavior of spouses that they shouldn’t have.

Maybe they put you second.

Maybe they didn’t protect you.

Maybe they completely walked away from you.

While none of these is an excuse for the behavior, what I challenge you to try is just for a second, is to put yourself in their shoes, and explore what it is that could have led to that behavior.

Did their parents do the same to them?

Did they even have parents as role models?

Were they emotionally unavailable because of past experiences and trauma?

Because sometimes behavior is repeated because it is all you have known.

Sometimes it takes the willingness to see things differently while still validating your emotions and not excusing the behavior.

They cannot give you what they never had.

Forgiveness

You may never know the reason why things happened, or maybe you are not able to have those conversations, but what you can do is heal your heart from within which will enable you to stop resenting the situation and  stop seeking your parent’s approval.

Forgiveness is not about forgiving the behavior.

Forgiveness is healing for your soul. Forgiveness is knowing they did the best they can with what they had.

Forgiveness is taking those hardened pieces of yourself and being able to let go of the hurt.

It comes when you are ready, not necessarily when you want it.

It fills your heart with wholeness knowing that your worth is not defined by the wrongs that may have happened to you.

Self-Worth

We all want to make our parents proud. Every child wants their parents to smile at them from ear to ear and tell them how amazing they are and how much they love them.

Every child yearns for their parent’s approval.

But whether that happens often or never happens, should not define the foundation of your self-worth.

You, exactly as you are, are an amazing, smart, beautiful human being.

You have gifts, talents, a specialness that nobody else has.

Whether or not your parents recognize that is a burden they will carry, not you.

Know from deep within who you are and be unwaveringly confident about it.

Be unapologetically you.

Know that their approval or disapproval does not define your worth, and the most important approval you ever need, is from within.

What are some struggles you may be facing with your parents and how did this help give you clarity in your relationships. I want to help.

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